Office Exercises for Runners

So I like many folks out there spend an inordinate amount of time toiling away in an office. In my case I’m your typical young office monkey sitting in a cubicle that I will call home for a maximum of three months. And well I’ll be frank here, I am not good at sitting still for eight hours a day, I get twitchy from all the caffeine. So why have all those hours go to waste? I’ve scoured the web, books, and bullied friends for things that runners can do while at work.

Now I’m not saying that these moves wont get you weird looks, they most certainly will, but if you’re not the office nut whats the point of going to work in the first place?So here they are, Grumpy Runner tested HR approved exercises that can be done right at your desk.

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Lower Body Stretches

Ok kids, lets go back to gym class and start with some stretches.

Sit on the edge of your chair (lock your wheels if you have them, face plants are a no bueno) and extend one leg in front of you and keep the other bent. Grab your extend leg right on the quad and, keep your back straight while bending forward to stretch the hamstring. Repeat with the other leg.

Next cross your leg, place one ankle on the opposite knee, like you’re that jerk who takes up too much space in meetings.

The only time where it is acceptable to be this guy

Put one hand on the ankle and one on the knee of the raised leg, straighten your back and bend forward.

Now guaranteed this will make it look like you’re taking a good whiff of your feet or worse your crotch. But hey, its a small price to pay for the feeling of relief of getting to stretch the day after a torturous run.

 

Calf Exercises

 

 

 

These are pretty simple: just do some toe stands every so often. Whats a toe stand you ask?You know when you just can’t reach the candy on the top shelf at the grocery store and you streeeeetch to reach it?

Just do that, its like green eggs an ham, you can do it on a boat, with a goat, in a house and with a mouse. You like toe stands so much you can do them anywhere.

 

Toe Alphabet

While seated in a chair, cross one leg over the other so the top foot is floating.  Now let us regress a bit back to preschool when we were learning our letters.  Pretend your big toe is the pencil but like a toddler your dexterity is kind of crap, so you need to move your entire foot to make the letters as big as possible.  When you get to Z you will have realized that you still sing the alphabet song to remember which letter comes next and the fronts of your shins should be on fire.  Switch legs and repeat with the other foot.

You can do this exercise while in a meeting, but beware you may accidentally play footsie with your neighbor.

 

Core Strengthener and Twists

 

 

 

No need to get really weird and lay down on the dirty office floor work your (fl)abs. Sit upright on your chair, spread your feet for balance as evenly as possible wipe-out are probable. Now no slouching or lifting the pelvis lift your right foot off the floor hug your thigh towards your middle and keeping tummy muscles engaged. Pause, then lower and repeat with the left leg. Alternate for two sets of eight repetitions.

Sit sideways on your chair, put the chair back to your right. Now place both feet firmly and flat on the floor and please make sure your knees are in line with your hips, again wipe outs are the opposite of what we’re going for. Now with both hands clutch to the chair back for dear life, and gently rotate your torso the back of the chair, pushing the right hand away and pulling the left hand in towards you. Now awkwardly gave over your shoulder at your neighbor and hold the pose for around half a minute, repeat on the other side.

 

Back Stretcher 

 

 

Now I know that back bends are not exactly kosher in most professional environments, but thankfully you can stretch your back without even leaving your desk chair. Just sit forward in your chair, and grab one leg below the knee and lift it toward your chest,until you can stretch in your lower back. As with all things, even the sucker out by repeating with the opposite leg.

 

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And there you have it folks now you too can join me in using my office time to improve my running skills and make myself into the office wacko. Until next time kids!

 

-TGR

The Grump Is Back

I’m sure a few of you are thinking due to my the tone and content of my last few posts that I’ve dropped the grumpy part of this running routine and its all happiness, unicorns and magical running fairies right?

 

 

 

Please, if it was that easy I would have figured out this shit years ago. I have been running much more consistently lately and the happy runs have increased 1000% so about one every three months. I don’t know what happens on the grumpy runs, the music doesn’t pick me up the people on the trail are irritating rather than inspiring (grated I usually hate all people so I don’t know why I would ever find this surprising) and usually I narrowly miss stepping in dog turds. I go home feeling like I’ve wasted an hour of my time.

 

 

Sadly I lack a TARDIS to fix it.

 

Whats worse is when I do get home from my trek to nowhere I am as hungry as the she hulk, I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve come home from a run and just started eating crap right from the fridge, and not normal stuff either no I’ll eat a hunk of cheese and deli meat as quick as you please. I don’t’ even like cheese and turkey but apparently running she hulk me does. Not to mention the pain the next day when it feels like my legs have been replaced with bricks. No, let’s mention that. I know you’ve probably gathered that I’m not exactly a little ray of sunshine in the morning, let me tell you on days after I run my normal self looks like a Disney princess.

 

accurate

 

Trying to get this butt out of bed after running is a no-go. Even the sweet sweet aroma of coffee brewing upstairs will not compel these legs to move, because they are no longer legs. They are manikin legs filled with cement. Now I don’t want to disillusion you here, running isn’t exactly the only thing that makes me irate. I am not a happy person in general and honestly i have no designs to become more positive about life in general. If fact if you really really want to piss me off the best thing to do will be to tell me to “look on the bright side” or the key “is a good attitude” will send me into a homicidal rage.

 

 

 

Despite my many personality flaws I want to be good at this damn it! Not only do I want to be good at this whole running business it would be nice if I liked it as well. What makes this apparent burning hatred/apathy so frustrating is that I know running can be fun, I’ve had run running. I’ve had fun running more than once. But I get into these funks where no matter what I try my runs and the days after are filled with so much grump I’m surprised I don’t morph into Dr. Cox from Scrubs. Whats worse is I have no solution, other than to keep on trucking and hope that the ratio moves from grumpy to happy.

Basically I’m in need of advice, how to you get over a running slump? Because I’m sure as shit out of ideas.

 

-TGR

I Run From Zombies

Well I certainly don’t run towards zombies, nobody in their right minds runs towards zombies. I also don’t run from actual zombies, they are still happily only a fictional experience, but I do have the most entertaining running app known to man. Zombies run is a story based running app that gives you audio bytes from your home base Abel township in between tracks from your music library. There are three seasons of varying lengths split up into episodes which can last between a half hour and an hour each depending on your preferences. I’ve been using this app (intermittently) since season one and I can honestly say that some times it is the only thing that gets me out and running.

 

 

I’ve actually gotten really attached to all the characters in the game especially Sam and Dr. Meyers, they are your life line to the little town of Abel. On runs I’ve had to stop because I was laughing too hard and there have been several runs where I’ve been unashamed to cry in public because of this app. All within the first season. I wont spoil the story because that would be meaner than even I am willing to be but even if you find the concept of zombies overdone and cliche I think the story carries the concept and makes it worthwhile.

 

 

 

One of the best things about this system is that it doesn’t matter how fast you are going before the zombies start to chase you down the street as long as you pick up the pace by 20% ish you can escape the zombie hoard to fight another day. So it doesn’t matter if you have and eight minute mile or if you’re like me and a twelve minute mile is a major victory as long as you improve upon your pace its possible to survive. One possible criticism I do have about it at the end of almost every audio clip the character says something along the lines of pick up the pace, or zombies are on their way but immediately following the transition into your music there isn’t a zombie chase. Very confusing on the first mission where there isn’t much in the way of a tutorial and the first friendly voice you hear is emphatically telling you to RUN! and you run, because you thing poor runner 5 is going to die and you exhaust yourself and then the actual zombie chase prompt comes on and then you actually die.  I will say that it is a nice reminder to keep your pace steady once you get used to the flow of the game but a tutorial would have been fabulous.

 

 

 

 

Now to the extra bit of gamification: your base. Once you finish your run you have certain supplies and materials that you’ve picked up to assist Abel, after you return to base you have the opportunity to allocate them within the township to upgrade buildings, assist with defense, and increase population. This feature isn’t really the selling point of the game, that would be the phenomenal voice acting and story but it is a nice way to see your running efforts make an impact on a place that you do become emotionally invested in.

 

Overall this is a fantastic app, highly recommended for anyone who enjoys a good zombie, a great story or just needs something to spice up a run.

 

Until next time

-TGR